I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day, regardless of whether I was single or partnered. I like the excuse to wear luxurious lingerie. Not that one needs an excuse, but I enjoy thinking that everyone around me is also wearing their naughtiest knickers. I like the effort, in the same way it’s lovely to see everyone in their Sunday best to go to church. I also like imagining that the entire city is going to have one collective orgasm in the evening. All that love.
Speaking of love, I’m presently working on another Kawai’s Guide, completely unrelated to the guide to cat calling: Kawai’s Guide to Falling in Love with Inappropriate Persons. (N.B., By inappropriate, I’m talking about someone where you know the relationship is going to be trouble. Your boss, a married woman, a wife beater, someone who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings; you get the gist. I’m making this clear because after announcing the title to a girlfriend over dinner she asked, “so did you write it for pedophiles?”)
Generally, I don’t see that people take to the situation of falling head over heels with an inappropriate person well, so I’ve written this guide to help the lovesick get the most out of the experience. I’m still debating how I’m going to illustrate the whole thing but for now, I’ve copy-pasted a taste of what is to come. Happy V-day, lovers!
When people fall in love with an inappropriate person, I find that they usually take one of two routes, both destructive and wasteful. The first involves pursuing the inappropriate person anyway while ignoring all consequences. The other choice involves active emotional suppression, often without ever purging such desire from the psychic system.
The stupidity of the first choice is fairly obvious – you’ve compromised yourself and will probably cause harm to others or yourself. If not harm, then a lot of unnecessary drama. Moral and interpersonal considerations aside, what this amounts to is pissing away a vast amount of power, and in a number of cases, on people who don’t deserve it anyway.
The second choice, while exercising more responsibility and restraint, is also just as wasteful. Repressing a profound love for someone is a taxing energy drain. Instead of building a strong system to channel power, you are attempting to dam it up. This objective demands heavy maintenance on a structure that is constantly being eroded and may crumble at the slightest provocation. I’ve seen people work on choice number two for years. Perhaps they even deaden their emotions with drugs, sex and other such distractions. It is a long term investment with a certainty of having very little payoff. In addition, another cost that comes from suppression is that you risk decreasing your ability to access that depth of love again with someone appropriate. Remember, love is a conduit to power. What do you think will happen when you work against yourself and cut yourself off from that flow?
The good news: there is a third choice. A choice where you embrace your love, ride its wave of power, surrender to that exquisitely sweet crest as it brings your being to unimaginable heights. In that moment you are fucking indestructible. Your heart is blasted wide open and you are transforming into much, much more than you ever thought you could be. You are becoming.